at home together

so today i thought i'd keep olive home with me and try to see what happened if, for a full day together, we'd be able to take breaks so i could do some writing/work. it was pretty freaking hard, and i just ended up feeling guilty. i started off telling her as clearly as possible-- 'if you stay home with mommy today, then i will have to take breaks where you can keep playing, even right next to me, and i will work on the computer'. it was broken down, and she understood it all. she was into it. i told her, 'if you want to play with others all day, then i can take you to school and you can play with your friends'. ultimately, i feel like it really was a terrible experiment that just made her have a hard day. when naptime rolled around, it was awful. she didn't listen to me and kept up the 'no's for almost 2 hours while i kept almost drifting off to sleep, only to open my eyes and see that she was standing up in the windowsill next to our bed looking out at the rain and the garden. i'd ask her to lie down and try again, and this was all after almost an hour of reading and settling down. we did have a lot of fun today, and we did play, but she also sat in my lap while i worked for a little while (not great) and ended up just saying 'well...i don't want to sleep or take a nap i want to play with you'. "Olive, do you remember what I told you this morning?" 'Yes, you have to work. But I want to play with you for just a little bit more time, okay? Okay. Let's go.' I really feel like i spent the whole day trying to figure out what to do when she says no to me. There was a lot of me trying to negotiate and me trying to figure our consequences and whether I should even give her any.

I think it's time to pick up the ole' books and read about the big NO. The problem is that she starts to whine, I say, "Olive, I will not listen to you if you use that voice" or "It's hard for me to understand you" so then she immediately straightens up, stops whining, and says, "Mommy? Will you please give me...." or "Mommy? Please let's not take a nap right now, okay? We should play some more, okay? Okay. Now we (insert whatever play she wants to do RIGHT THEN)" She's so freaking eloquent that it makes it hard to say no to a polite young lady. Uugh. So hard.

I even talked to her about naps at school. "So, you take naps at school every day." "Yes." "Why won't you take a nap with mommy but you'll take a nap at school?" Answer is either, "Oh! Look at (whatever she's doing so she doesn't have to answer)" or "------ rubs my back." Okay, so there's also an awesome routine she follows there that I try to mimic at home, but it just doesn't work for naps. Even if I (her mother) rubs her back. I got Andy on the phone today and it ended up just making us both laugh (almost with pride)--- she said- "Hi Daddy". Hi Olive. Mommy says that you won't take a nap. You need to go take a nap. "Well, I don't want to take a nap so I'm not going to take a nap, okay? I'm going to play some more." No, Olive, listen to your Mommy. It's time to take a nap. "Well, I don't want to. I'm not going to take a nap, Daddy, because I don't want to take a nap. It's okay, I'm going to go play, okay? Okay."

She now adds "Well..." before anything that means nope-- going to do it my way. I'm really quite proud of her and her new independence, though today, at home she also had 4 pee accidents on the floor, and claimed to be a baby again, but "it's okay. I'll be a big girl next week." I think it was the whole Mommy's working so I will be a baby with needs thing. Pretty obviously. So hard!

We had a great time the rest of the day, making art, playing with the dog family and the naked Strawberry Shortcake crew, we took a bath, we planted seeds outside (and got chomped by mosquitoes even after a massive coating of bug spray), we ate a lot of meals together, and snacks, and she made a cool collage of train cars (she drew the people inside them) glue-sticked to tree paper. We also jumped around and rolled on the bed, a favorite passtime, built with lincoln logs (she's getting really good) and rode around the house on the train. Fun day, but frought with guilt for me. Suckage.

I continued through the afternoon to explain to her that I was upset and a little sad that she didn't do what I asked all day. I really did whip out some basic threats-- but they just felt like threats. I still can't close the door on a crying, sad baby girl and tell her to make it happen. She went to be 'early', but it ended up being regular time since even at night she takes forever to really settle down. At 2 1/2, she surely needs more than 10 hours sleep total, right? That's not enough at all. To the books!

Meanwhile-- she's really into making up new words now. Munchig or something like that is her absolute favorite. She also likes to pick flowers and then arrange them in vases. We have a few small vases that she keeps adding our Dahlias to, after picking 3 inch stems. She also picked and ate a few raspberries from our bush, and actually shared one with me today. She's still a sweetie, even when not listening/doing.

I was lying with her in bed tonight and said---"I had a great day with you and love you no matter what. I felt sad and even upset today when you didn't listen, but I still love you no matter what." She answered, "no matter what?" I said, "I love you all the time". I had made faces for sad and upset, so she said, "This is the face you made when you were upset" and scrunched up her eyes and pursed her lips. I got her to show Andy mommy's upset face. I told her I still loved her again and she said she loved me too.